Friday, April 4, 2014

On being content.

Why is it always hardest being content?

It's always the easiest appreciating something once it's already gone.

During high school, I was so ready to graduate. I counted down the days until college since freshmen year. I was "ready to fly," as I would say. (I know, so cheesy)

And then graduation came and left and I was still so excited to go, but sad about leaving that season behind.

And then move in day came. It was time for my so called wings to work. And they didn't really do what they were supposed to. It was a flop. (Okay, maybe not a flop, but not what I expected).

And now, as I look back on that time of high school, I realize how blessed I was. Of course, there were rough patches, and plenty of them, but God provided a wonderful season for me during that time.

And ya know what? I miss it. I miss my friends. I miss being at home. And I miss being a kid.

Nobody told me that when you go to college you grow up quickly. You have to start picking up your own prescriptions (what?) and you have to do your own laundry.

I wasn't ready for that. Real life hit like a train.

So, why wasn't I content with being a kid? Why was I so ready for that good season to end for what I thought would be a better season?

Because I wasn't content. I didn't give thanks at the time. Instead, I waited for the season to end and then played the "I wish" game. Not a good idea.

And now? As I'm in the midst of this season of college, I'm learning to not take anything for granted. I'm trying not to wish this season of my life away as I wished the last away.

So keep me accountable. Tell me not to take anything for granted anymore. Tell me not to wish away this time, even if it is hard. 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Refreshed and ready to go.

Do you ever just have a few days or a weekend where you come out on the other end feeling refreshed and ready to take on life?

The past few days have been like that for me. My mom and my sister came for a short visit and just their company alone had me feeling like I could accomplish these next few weeks.

And then this warm weather came to bless this week. I think it was Kacia bringing it back from Florida. Maybe it wasn't. Either way, I'm super blessed by this weather! Seeing the flowers and the trees bloom just make me so happy.

And there's really nothing like driving with the windows down and the radio blaring with 80 degree weather. Even if I do have to study...

 What helps you feel refreshed and ready to accomplish the week?

Saturday, March 15, 2014

A little help?

So, here's the thing. I really enjoy writing here. A lot. Sometimes I run low on content. We're working on that. But, I'd love to hear from you. If I wanted to just write for myself, I'd keep a journal. I want this to be a place where community can grow. So, what do you want to see more of? What do you like, what do you dislike? And so, I'd be oh so grateful if you would fill out this survey for me.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

He goes with us.

At the beginning of the year, on the first day of classes to be exact, I got a little note from my mom with a Bible verse and it said "Happy 1st Day of Classes!" Little did I know what she wrote would be a life saver for me over the next semester and beyond. 

She put Deuteronomy 31:6 on the note. It says:

Be strong and courageous do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

Everyday I would wake up, a nervous wreck mind you, and repeat that verse over and over. Because I needed to be reminded multiple times a day that God would never leave me. He was with me when I sat in class. He was with me when I took a test. He was with me everywhere I went. 

This verse was a great comfort to me. And a reminder that however alone I might have felt, I wasn't alone, because God went with me. 

And now today, even as I am growing more comfortable in being here and more comfortable in my own skin, I still need that daily reminder. 

Because this life, it's not easy. It is a spiritual battle. Satan is fighting for your soul and my soul. But God is on our side. And He goes with us. Day in and day out He is there with us, fighting for us. And He goes with us. 

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

When your heart aches.

Do you ever just have those days where your heart aches? It just misses something so much.

A few nights ago, I was laying in bed and in my mind I kept going back to the moment where I put Jack back in his crib one last time. That is the hardest part. You put down "your" baby and wonder when he will be held next. He cries because he likes this new feeling of being held and doesn't want to be put down.

I was saying goodbye to Jack for a very long time, thinking that I would not be back to Chenzhou in years. And Colin was with me. Our hips were glued together for those few days we got to spend together. It was perfect. Baby Jack, Colin, and me. Just for a few seconds, but a moment that will always be etched on my heart.

I'm having this constant battle. Do I go back to Chenzhou or not? It has a part of my heart, but is God calling me to something else? Part of me says to be open to other mission opportunities that will come about. But then another part of me says, if we don't go, who will? We've spent 5 years building these relationships, and to just stop would make those nannies wonder why we didn't come back.

I think of kids who get so happy to see us.

I think of Sky who laughs and jumps when she is hugged or her hand is being held. Normally she just sits with her head down on the bench.

I think of Ray who loves being held and loved, while he usually just stares at a tv.

I think of Sidney who cries in a corner, but has a chance of getting attention while we are there.

And then there are the school kids. You walk into where they are playing, and each kid finds "their" person. They cling to you and want to be tickled and talked to.

Then you bring the kids to church. What about the people who see you? They know where we are taking them.

So how can you say no to going back? Is it really money that I am afraid of?

So, I'm praying and I'm praying real hard. That things would fall into place, and that most importantly I would be in God's will. I would love it if you would pray with me and for me. 

Monday, November 18, 2013


The other day I was spending my quiet time in Exodus 4:1-17.
As I was reading, something really stuck out to me.

In these passages, God calls Moses to set His people free and take them out of Egypt.
But Moses didn't want to do it.
"But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The Lord did not appear to you.'" (Exodus 4:1)

Then again, later in the chapter Moses tried to find an excuse as to why he couldn't follow God's calling.
"O my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and tongue." (Exodus 4:10)

He didn't feel ready to do what God was calling him to do.
And it was at this point where I was finding myself in Moses' position.

I wasn't ready for this change. I kept finding excuses as to why I wasn't cut out for the position.

But then, God.

"You shall to speak to him and put the words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you both what to do. He shall speak for you to the people, and he shall be your mouth, and you shall be as God to him. And take in your hand this staff, with which you shall do the signs." (Exodus 4:15-17)

God provided for Moses.

And it is in this story where I am reminded that God does not call the equipped, but equips the called.
He calls us from what we know to what we don't.
He calls us to a place beyond ourselves. A place where we can no longer rely on ourselves, but only our God.

God has called me to this really hard place. He called me to a place beyond myself, where I could no longer rely on my own power, but only His.
He called me from my comfort zone of my home, my friends, and my family. And He put me in a place of newness and of unfamiliarity.

And it is in this place where I am learning that it's not about me. He's equipping me to do what He's called me to. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

a letter to myself

Because sometimes you just need to write letters to yourself reminding you of God's promises.

Stop comparing yourself and your life to others. It does nothing.

God loves you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You are His workmanship.

You are the apple of His eye.

He died for you.

Go to His throne expectant of what is to come. Pray to Him in confidence.

Wake up expecting glorious things to happen.

He loves you.